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Date: 07/31/2004


 
 
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Today is Wednesday, November 22, 2017.

From the Ancient Archives: (3964 days ago)

Friends:

Here are links to some of my friends’ websites and journals for your visiting pleasure. Good stuff—check them out!

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"Dream Horse," one of my oil paintings
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Hilarious Glenn Beck Parody Video

This is one of those videos that will put your name into it—it also pulls photos, birth city, and other information from your Facebook profile and adds it to the video to make it more hilarious. Try it out and share it with your friends!

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What is up with fortune cookies, Part II

This is a followup to my previous article, What is up with fortune cookies these days? which I wrote after friends and I received some very strange “fortunes” in our fortune cookies. Well, it’s happened again. Different restaurant. Three of these are just weird. One of those three is just stupid. Then the fourth one is just made of 100% pure awesome, and it was, appropriately, the one in my cookie. The first weird one says: The...

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What is up with fortune cookies these days?

When I was growing up, I seem to recall that fortune cookies contained things like “you will meet a tall, handsome stranger” or cute little “Confucius say…” type phrases. These days it seems like they’re…um…different? We ordered Chinese delivered tonight and each of us got a cookie. Here is what our “fortunes” were: “You have a sincere desire to improve” This one actually works well with the “-in bed” suffix, so it gets my approval. “Lucky you. Get...

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Clinton Campain + Bubblewrap!!!

I was contacted yesterday by a representative of Hillary Clinton’s campaign team asking if they could license my Virtual Bubblewrap for use in her newest online campaign ads. We haven’t worked anything out for sure yet, we’re still in the talking phase. Some of the ideas we’ve discussed are replacing the “random noise” bubbles’ sounds with sound bites from Hillary’s political speeches, or having the background be a picture of Hillary once all the bubbles...

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In which I defend a position nobody has ever actually challenged me on...

Laundry is a pretty dull task, and so one’s mind does tend to wander in the course of doing it.* For some inexplicable reason, my mind tends to wander into the more esoteric nooks and crannies of the fascinating topic of…um…doing the laundry. I could be daydreaming about movie stars or sex or thinking of something useful like planning dinner or trying to remember how to do statistics problems… but more often I think about...

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Another Installment of Absurdist Mail Theater

Incredible! I have in my hands another piece of the most ludicrous mail I’ve ever received. Yet again, sent by hopped-up religious zealots. Now, I have nothing against Christians in general, but these goofy fringe loonies just get to me. I can’t take them seriously. This one came in an envelope all marked up in silliness, just like the other one did. The best part was on the back: “Heavenly Father, we pray that this...

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This Mail Can't Be Real?!

Ok, I get a lot of junk mail, and I throw most of it away. Every now and then, however, something really stands out. Sometimes it looks inviting. Sometimes it looks cool. And then sometimes it looks so unbelievably stupid and scary, you just have to open it. That was the case today when I checked the mail. Seems some slightly over-caffeinated Christians decided to send out some really weird shit. What caught my eye...

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NASA Hid PROOF of Extra-terrestrial Life

I was first drawn to examine NASA photographs taken on the moon when I saw the photographic proof* on Seethruart’s pursuasive webpage. When he showed proof that the NASA astronauts were stepping on tiny alien shuttles, and proof that there were tiny flying crafts hiding in the rocks (see closeup!!) I knew he was onto something. These were not ordinary “rocks and dirt” that NASA had been leading us to believe! I decided to examine...

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Terms of Endearment: The Evolution of Nicknames

When my ex-husband and I were dating we were obscenely sweet and cutsie. We had the typical nicknames for each other at first…“sweetie” being predomenant. Somehow we ended up applying the suffix -opotamus (as in hippo…) to words. Namely, “sweetapotomus” instead of “sweetie”. (Naturally “hippo” must be a type of “potamus”, right?) Any descriptive word could be used (and sometimes twisted) into the suffix. For example, if I was cooking, I was a “fixopotamus of...

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LOL? the Long Ongoing List

The standard chat environment abbreviation “LOL” is commonly thought to mean “Laugh(ing) Out Loud,” but how do we that is what it means? Just because someone tells us so? Might there be another, secret, meaning? Let’s examine the (viewer submitted) possibilities…. Humorous note: back in the day when this page was updated automatically by viewer submission, some brilliant soul Left this: “U r so stuped it means Laugh Out Loud” Ah… the irony. Loads Of...

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The Maxipad Incident

I was in 8th grade, living with my dad in Florida. This was the year they invented maxipads with “wings” but earlier in the year. As those of you who have used the “pre-wing” pads know, the old ones leaked. No matter what. The first drop of blood to touch them would almost always make a beeline for one or both sides and make a break for freedom. And so I would always wrap toilet paper...

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The Future Free Citizens of the World

As my bid for world domination draws ever closer to fruition, I am now allowing people to pledge their allegiance and become Free Citizens. (Those who aren’t citizens when I do take over will not be able to make use of the many benefits of citizenship, and might possibly be enlisted as slave labor.) Becoming a Citizen is simple; it’s just three simple steps: Step 1 Choose one of these flag iamges to display on your...

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Snake Oil

It amazes me what people will advertise and what people will buy… check these out, from a catalog I got in the mail: Adult Bib Oxygen—just add water! This guy so does not want to be in this ad.. just look at his face! (I realize these are for people with disabilities, but the ad makes them appear to be marketed at regular 30-something adults, which makes it funny.) Um… Breast Firming Creme Buttonhole Napkin Yeah, I’m sure this works. For when you...

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Top Ten ways to tell your neighbor is a mafia hit man

10 — You see his kid regularly receive large amounts of cash from the ice cream man. 9 — Those mysterious late night “drives around the block”. 8 — Wears a flak jacket to church. 7 — He always lets the neighbor kids start his car in the morning. 6 — Bears absolutely no resemblance to most of his “relatives”. 5 — His kids wear “My daddy went to Chicago to whack Louie ‘the weasel’, and all he brought...

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Top Ten ways to know your ice cream man is selling drugs

10 — You buy a RocketPop and inside you get a disposable syringe where the stick should be. 9 — Your transaction is briefly interrupted as he has to take a moment to inject adrenaline straight into the heart of an overdosing junkie. 8 — Only drives through the neigborhood at 3am. 7 — He uses a razor blade and hand mirror to cut the ice-cream sandwiches into portions. 6 — The Lik-M-Aid? That ain’t Lik-M-Aid. 5 — Ice cream...

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